My special angel Christopher is gone. I held him all night and at 3am I felt a change in the rhythm of his heart, more relaxed and regular.
I cuddled him some more and at 5:50am I began to talk to him, to tell him that God needed him in heaven and that it was OK to let go. I didn’t want him to ever go, but I knew I was being selfish.
I listed the names of his family who loved him, and thanked him for waiting for his brother to cuddle him and for his dad to come to his side last night.
I whispered through tears, that he should go now so that he could watch over all of us from heaven, and that his Canadian, American and British family are so proud of all that he has accomplished.
I said he could drive his go-cart in heaven and it will never break down and that will make Poppa John very happy.
I told him all of his friends, and especially his caregivers and best buddies Sonny and Raquel will miss him so very much.
He felt so warm and peaceful, his heart beating strong and it seemed like he would be with us forever. At 5:57am, I said mommy loves you so much and I will be OK if you decide to leave now. All of a sudden, as soon as I said this, as though he had been waiting for me to finish listing all the names of everyone who loved him and that I would be OK, he opened his beautiful blue eyes wide and looked at me with wonder and simply stopped breathing. It was incredible. I held him as the warmth left his tiny body.
My boy is at peace now, but my heart is broken into a million pieces. If I could do it all over again, I would choose this boy over and over again, in a million lifetimes.